Regardless of where you stand politically on the subject of climate change, there’s one issue that none of us can deny: moving forward, there’s not going to be enough water to sustain our current way of life here in California. We can talk about conservation until we’re red in the face, but the sad reality is that nothing is going to change here until we cut the water cord from the state’s biggest wasters.
I know plenty of people in Los Angeles who have continued to water their lawns every morning, wash their cars in the middle of the day, and laugh about the idea of scaling back. I’ve also been the president of a condo HOA board, so I know first hand how selfish and irresponsible adults can be, even when their best interests are at stake. As we’ve learned from every zombie apocalypse film over the last fifty years, no matter how dire the circumstances there will always be someone who thinks only of themself and ruins the situation for everyone else.
Which brings me to Tequila.
I spoke with a distiller this week who is predicting that an entry level bottle of unadulterated, non-diffuser blanco Tequila might cost $90-$100 in the near future if things keep going the way they are. Not just because of drought and climate change, mind you, but because so many new vanity brands continue to enter the market, which puts a greater strain on the agave supply. We’re already at the point where the overwhelming majority of Tequila is diffused, meaning under-ripe, flavorless agave piñas are pulled out of the earth years before they’re ready and chopped into starchy bits, sprayed with water, and treated with an enzyme to convert that starch into sugar.
Tequila as a category is a giant bastardization of what it should be, but at least those of us who care about real Tequila still have affordable options. That being said, if you’ve been paying attention to the retail shelves over the last six months, you’ll notice a lot of holes. Fortaleza is now allocated and hard to restock. We’re completely out of reposado, añejo, and extra añejo from G4 with no ETA in sight. Cascahuin is a ghost. As demand for real, unadulterated Tequila continues to rise, the pull of the celebrity market is eating away at the agave supply, so there’s only one way prices can go: UP!
If all these new vanity Tequila brands were actually selling, you could at least make the argument for capitalism, or supply and demand. But that’s not happening. Most of these newcomers have starry-eyed dreams about being the next George Clooney, yet they have no idea what they’re doing, no real grasp of the American three tier distribution system, and no appreciation for the impact their brand is having on the agave ecosystem. I know this because I meet a new Tequila brand owner almost every single week, each of them with fancy business cards, loads of schwag, and a fashionable get-up that usually looks like something in between a Texas ranchero owner and a Boho hipster. If John Varvatos were to launch a new clothing line specifically geared for Tequila CEOs, he’d make a fortune.
So these guys contract 1,000 cases of diffuser Tequila, get it into the states, and here it sits for months, if not years, going nowhere until they’re forced to close it out for pennies on the dollar and move on to the next venture capital project. In the meantime, thousands of agave plants that could have been left in the ground to mature for a real Tequila company that makes real Tequila have been wasted on some douchebag’s ego. Multiply this scenario by 500 and you’ll have an idea of where the Tequila market is right now.
At some point, California will be forced to install equipment in every district that restricts water rations to all residents. There’s no point in talking about personal responsibility in this day and age because we know how people work. The same should go for Tequila. Either be part of the solution, or get the fuck out of the way.
-David Driscoll
